As a child, I was obsessed with words. No, I didn’t overly love reading and I wasn’t the most impressive writer in any of my classes, but there was never something to put a smile on my face faster than hearing someone use the perfectly unexpected word choice. So came my love for language.
One of my favorite quotes comes from Malcolm X. He says, “A man who stands for nothing will fall for anything.” Now, if you don’t quite understand the brevity of those words, trust someday you will when you’ve fallen one too many times for all the wrong reasons. That quote has been bouncing around in my brain lately as I am amidst taking a self-mastery class and have been challenged with the idea of creating an idiosyncratic sacred vow to help me define and commit to who and what I really am and want to be.
At first, I had the natural reaction to this challenge and laughed to myself thinking “it’s 2022, what am I, some sort of knight?” Though, upon more thought, I think it is an inspiring idea to have and create something that encompasses all the virtues and values we want to display with our short time on this Earth. (Especially if it contains some meaningfully intentional and affluent word choices.) Let’s be honest with ourselves, how many people can you name that live everyday with their virtues and values as a first priority? I spent some time considering this question and I could name only a few individuals that I’ve crossed paths with that are deeply and truly people of character which is both deeply disappointing and also excitingly inspiring for me. Those who made my list were people who influenced lives, the ones you remember years after you’ve seen them, and probably won’t ever forget because that sense of genuine integrity is obviously (and sadly) extremely rare.
As a huge superhero enthusiast, I’ve always been so inspired by those who use actions to clearly define which virtues they want to embody. If I am being honest, there are few people that I know that have clearly defined ideologies of who they are and what they want and what they are and are not willing to do to achieve those things. We live in a society where all we want is acceptance and peace and we naturally conform to achieve these construed feelings. Don’t get me wrong, I am as overjoyed with the thought of peace as the next guy, but I would not truly be able to feel true inner peace without knowing true inner conflict. We bend and change and follow in line until the person in the mirror is unrecognizable, but I ask you now, why?
For me, I am always enamored by those individuals who can be just that; one of a kind. Those who blaze their own paths, without apology. Especially having recently finished reading David Brook’s book “The Road to Character” that reinforced this ideology. (10/10 by the way, thank you David Brooks!)
I am not hopelessly naive and fully understand there are very few things in life that are strictly black and white, boundaries of uniqueness being no exception, but at what age did we all look at ourselves and say we should not be who we authentically love to be, maybe even who we were born to be and instead mold and shape and shame ourselves to fit in with an alarmingly low bar that we call normal. If I have learned nothing else from my short 26 years on Earth, it’s that being who you are and continually pushing your own limits of excellence is the whole point. We are all here to stand tall in our uniqueness and give each of our greatest gifts back to the world who after all made it possible for us to do so in the first place. They say the birth of our inner shadow is around age three. For those who don’t obsess over philosophic ideas as much as I do, your shadow is the shameful half of the persona that makes up you. If this is true, at three years old we learn to be ashamed of certain characteristics that we have and things we may be passionate about because someone around us has deemed our behavior or feelings unacceptable or out of the norm. Of course, some behaviors and actions have an ethical and moral wrong written all over them and will never change from that category. I’m talking about the small things. The things that have no consequence to anyone else or bring any harm but bring us such inner bliss. Even so, we don’t share these joys with the outside world out of fear of rejection or maybe fear of being exposed for the person we really are.
After examining these thoughts, I’ve decided to re-write my script. I’ve chosen to take back the pieces of me that I once deemed shameful and use them to build an even better version of me that is capable of more and attempt to positively affect every life surrounding me. Malcolm X was right, if we do not clearly examine ourselves and fiercely stand in our beliefs and differences, it is all too easy to get lost in the vortex of fitting in. It is only with the courage to proudly define who we are and the deep commitment to embody the virtues we value the most every day that we will find our delightful uniqueness again.
This is how I am choosing to define a sacred vow; a meaningful reminder to stand tall and allow myself the courage to deeply commit to my values and virtues and my uniqueness and with hard work, all I wish to be, someday.
I’ll take the risk and share my first attempt. I challenge you to do the same!
-Samwell
i’m proud of you.